The Doe's Secret Code Of Honor - Humorous, and TRUE

The doe’s secret code of honor is as old as goats themselves and is
ultimately the species best kept secret. No doe shall ever kid before
it’s time. (It’s time being determined by the following factors):

1- No kid shall be born until total chaos has been reached by all
involved. Your owner’s house must be a wreck, their family hungry and
desperate for clean clothes, and their social life nonexistent.

2- “Midwives” must reach the babbling fool status before you kid
out. Bloodshot eyes, tangled hair and the inability to form a sentence
mean the time is getting close.

3- For every bell, beeper, camera or whistle they attach to you,
kidding must be delayed by at least one day for each item. If they use
an audio monitor, one good yell per hour will keep things interesting.

4- If you hear the words, “She’s nowhere near ready. She’ll be fine
while we’re away for the weekend,” Wait until they load the car, then
begin pushing!

5- Owner stress must be at an all time high! If you are in the care
of someone else, ten to fifteen phone calls a day is a sign you’re
getting close.

6- When you hear the words “I can’t take it anymore!” wait at least three more days.

7 -You must keep this waiting game interesting. False alarms are
mandatory! Little teasers such as looking at your stomach, pushing your
food around in the bucket and then walking away from it, and nesting,
are always good for a rise. Be creative and find new things to do to
keep the adrenaline pumping in those who wait.

8- The honor of all goats is now in your hands. Use this time to
avenge all of your barn mates. Think about your friend who had to wear
that silly costume in front of those people. Hang onto that baby for
another day. OH, they made him do tricks too! Three more days seems
fair. Late feedings, the dreaded diet, bad haircuts, those awful
wormings can also be avenged at this time.

9- If you have fulfilled all of the above and are still not sure
when to have the kids, listen to the weather forecast on the radio that
has been so generously provided by those who wait. Severe storm warning
is what you’re waiting for. In the heart of the storm jump into action!
The power could go out and you could have the last laugh. You have a
good chance of those who wait missing the whole thing while searching
for a flashlight that works!

10- Make the most of your interrupted nights. Beg for food each time
someone comes into the barn to check you. Your barn mates will love you
as the extra goodies fall their way too.

Remember, this code of honor was designed to remind man of how truly
special goats are. Do your best to reward those who wait with a
beautiful doeling to carry on the Doe Code of Honor for the next
generation of those who wait!